Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

At one point in my life, a friend of mine shared an amazingly simple, yet exceedingly poignant observation with me. Over the years since she shared her idea with me, it has proven itself to be true over and over again. Today's post is dedicated to this idea.

Put simply, she asked me if I had noticed that people seem to enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Here is my crack at explaining the concept.

Reason

Life doesn't come with a road map, and so we are each left to our devices to get through it. We all have lessons to learn, and sometimes bridges to burn (recognize the lyrics anyone?). As we move through life, people will suddenly come onto the scene out of nowhere, and can just as quickly they dissapear. As we reflect on these transients, we may just come to realize that their passage through our life has if taught us something - that is to say they came to us for a reason. Now, whether someone higher up is responsible for orchestrating these entries and exists as though part of a larger plan is not for me to say ... I will leave that for those with a penchant for religious and/or philisophical debate.

I can say, however, that in my life, I have had several Reasons come into my life. In university, one friend was a fixture of my night life for a small period of time. In looking back, the reason for them appearing seems to be that they introduced me to one of my best long term friends. Other examples are people that pop into our lives and teach us a bit about a culture we previously knew nothing about. I have recently learned a bit of Khazakstan thanks to a Reason.

Season

At the season level, people enter your life for a period of time, and then they too move on. The learning afforded us from this group can also be powerful and likely more substantive than that of a Reason.

Why Seasons come to be is anyone's guess. It could be due to a temporary alignment of beliefs. Maybe u went through a punk band phase, or went a little gothic, or just picked up a new interest and/or hobby that introduced you to somebody new. Or, maybe you lived somewhere for a short period of time and connected with someone while there. Either way, the connection doesn't prove strong enough to survive the distance nor will it endure as you move on to new interests and hobbies..

Having led a nomadic life, particularly while growing up, I too have had many Seasons in my time. Among the things I have learned through Seasons are: family pressures to be a successful hockey player can be ridiculous and beyond realistic, quantum chromodynamics is too much for my simple brain, cancer kills - even if you're in your early 20s, and that no form of action figurines have ever placated my need for entertainment!

Lifetimes

Lastly, you have your Lifetimes. These are the ones that, at the end of the day, we consider ourselves very fortunate for having in our lives. What exactly leads to a lifetime relationship is not known to me, but I think it certainly has something to do with genuine respect for one another. After all, to keep the connection going while you and this person's life evolve according to different paths and timelines must be predicated on respect at some level. Otherwise, neither person would invest the time and energy needed to keep things going. But therein lies the true beauty of Lifetimes. That which we work hardest for is often the most rewarding. Healthy long term relationships of any kind should ideally be built on choice, not need. Overt dependence, one on the other can work, but hardly leads to a satisfying arrangement in my mind. The preferred approach is one in which both parties elect to keep the relationship going by each putting forth effort required to weather any life storms. After all, the only glue that connects us is that which we provide ourselves.

From my perspective, this applies equally well to marriages, romances, or friendships.

At this point, only time will tell how many Lifetimes I will be fortunate enought to collect, but thus far I count myself very lucky to have many candidates.

Those are my Two Cents for the day.